Aunty versus Me 3.0.2

Why do Indian aunties and uncle have this deep rooted urge to comment on someone’s weight whenever you see them? They begin their conversations with phrases like, “Khane peene ko sahi se nahi mil raha kya?” or “Yeh face kitna mota hogaya hai beta tumhara!” or “Dieting start kardiya hai kya?” What is their freaking problem? Last weekend I had a similar encounter with one of my neighbour.

Okay, so yes I’ve lost some weight and now look really slim. She commented on that. I smiled, gave a fake laugh and decided to move the conversation forward. You know, like every one learns to fake reply to standard questions raised by nosy aunties who have no concept of boundaries. But much to my dismay she didn’t stop there. I was standing in front of her completely fine, laughing, looking well. She comes sneakily closer to me and sort of whispers, “Bimaar ho?” Though the question struck me as odd. After all I was standing in front of all her looking cheerful. But okay, I just gave a simple answer in the negative. After which I thought we’ll move the conversation to the Covid-19 topic. But no. The daily-soap drama sniffer’s thirst for secrets wasn’t exactly quenched. So she repeated her question. Thrice more.

Dude! I swear if something was wrong with me I’d be one of those who tell you all about it without you even asking. Like I’d use the hell out of the privilege that comes along with the sickness. All the sympathetic looks, help offered in the form of homemade pastes and powders. I love listening to how weird these concoctions can be. So sorry to disappoint you aunty, but I’m well. I am well. I am well. And guess what, I am well. The same phrase for the number of times you asked me the same question. Also, what is this behaviour aunty? Why are you pressuring me to be sick? Aren’t you supposed to just shoot some random facts about food that’ll boost my immunity? Or at least get the hint when I start ignoring your question! I don’t go around calling you out on how your arm fat has started swinging now. Neither do I want to, just to clarify. So please can we have a mutual agreement and stop poking around in each other’s lives?


Let’s poke around in that of G-3’s aunty’s life instead.