Is it just my introverted ass that finds introductions awkward or anyone else too? Probably just me. Nonetheless there must be at least one botched up introduction in your life that you’d like to do over. What’s weirder: the ones where you introduce yourself or there is a mutual who does it? I am really curious to know what’s the thought process behind coming up with an introduction for oneself, be it professional or personal. What details to include? Which to leave out? And how much is enough? All of this can be adjusted if you go second. But what if you have to initiate the introduction? You might bore the other person with details, or end up not sharing enough which can even lead more awkwardness because then you have nothing more to talk about.
In my opinion the ones where a mutual acquaintance handles the introductions are somehow worse. I for one become more interested in what the person says about me. I start thinking of it as an opportunity to gauge the mutual’s mindset about me. What they think of me? What they think the other person should know about me? What words will they use to describe me, specially my personality? It goes without saying there have been instances where the introduction was so awkward in itself that I was left bamboozled. Don’t know if the other person was.
The most mind-rattling introductions are the ones which only specify the names of the stakeholders in that conversation. That is negligible information to carry the chat further. It’s then we start grasping at straws and start on a mindless journey talking about the colour of walls. Sometimes, even curtains. I was once introduced with three words, ‘Swasti’, ‘Mathematics’, ‘Single’. Is that it? Does that sum me up completely? Have I no other traits, qualities, achievements, significant events that could be added to that list? Or keeping it precise helps in creating an enigmatic, mysterious aura around me, which will draw people in to inquire more. Who am I kidding? That stuff doesn’t happen. This other time I was being introduced to a friend’s friend and she said, “….is funny, sarcastic, cheerful….” And till this date I am unaware if my friend was describing me or the other person! I missed hearing the crucial beginning of the sentence and now I am stuck in this purgatory of overthinking.
That is another reason why introductions feel so alien to me. By some mystical force, I become extremely hard of hearing. Before you draw any conclusions, let me clarify, I am not hard of hearing otherwise. And as soon as the person tells me their name, I stop listening. And even if I do, I forget it within the next five seconds. Or rather my brain starts thinking on dangerous levels which prevents me from registering any of the useful conversation that follows. The underlying problem could just be the fact that I am miserable at small talk. I cannot bear to talk about the weather or music or whatever people small-talk about.
May I remind you of re-introductions with relatives? Endless statements about how little I was when they last saw me or how old I’ve grown or the classic, pehchana? No aunty! No! I was five when you last saw me. I remember zilch from when I was five. I don’t even remember what I had for lunch yesterday. Please stop asking me if I recognise you. I am not a superhuman nor was a super-baby. I haven’t acquired cent percent functionality of my brain. And obviously I’ll grow up. You never asked me to stop, or pause, or even mention the fact that you might have a problem with me growing up. You grew up too! I don’t go around accusing you of the fact that you didn’t tell me you’ll grow old uhm… I mean up. What else did expect to happen?
Nonetheless, the worst kind of introductions are when the other person says, “I’ve heard about you.” This gives me the shivers. Might seem completely harmless to some. It’s a pretty simple statement. My mind, on the other hand, that was already working at full speed just goes into over-drive listening to this. What have they heard? More importantly who have they heard it from? Does this place me at a disadvantage? In what context have they heard about me? And why can’t I be the person who has heard something about the other person? Why can’t it be the other way round? I have experiences where this exact statement has gone horribly and others where it has brought in unparalleled joy.
Unable to stop my self from inserting a series reference, I want to end my rant saying, “Hey, you!”
