There’s a new mosquito-repellent product in the market. And instead of killing the mosquitoes or driving them away, this product attracts ALL the mosquitoes towards itself. Every. Single. Mosquito. Thus, leaving the remaining room free from any mosquitoes. Yes, this is a product review article. Maybe even a paid promotion. After all, I need to put all of this influencer level following to good use, right? Well, the product isn’t by All-Out or Good-Knight or their likes. It works much better than an Insect and Mosquito Killer Machine that just makes a lot of irritating buzz, better than a Mosquito Net and even better than our trusted Odomos also known as moisturising cream. The product is I. Yes, let me elaborate.
I am the best solution to all your mosquito troubles. Seriously. I could be sitting with five layers of Odomos applied on my body, wearing fully covering clothes and I’ll still manage to be bitten by my arch-nemeses. It’s like I am ecstasy for mosquitoes. They just can’t get enough. No really! Haven’t you seen mosquitoes flying really low lazily like they’re in some dazed blacked out state? They do that after sucking some of my intoxicating blood. Some people say it’s in my genetic code to be more appealing to mosquitoes. Who knew my genetic coding could do me like that? People are out there being photo-genic and I’m here scratching my skin layer off, wondering if mosquito-genic is a word! I am even ready to strike a deal. I’d like to offer a small bowl full of my blood every year to the mosquitoes. I’d put in the syringe myself. In exchange for not being bitten throughout the year. Isn’t it a pretty good deal?
Nonetheless, my sister has often exploited this fact. Still does. Shamelessly uses me as a mosquito buffer while I suffer and rot in the eternal cycle of aggressive scratching or applying Odomos for the millionth time or squandering inside a mosquito net. I’d be sitting in a room full of people where no one gets bitten at all and I’ll have multiple scabs from mosquito bites. Every time I step outside there is this entire thought process of calculating the severity of the mosquito population there. Needless to say, Odomos has become my signature scent. You can always smell it on me. Always. Moreover, I’ll most probably have a handy Odomos tube in my backpack. Don’t judge me. And I certainly won’t judge you if you ask for it, if need be. Aaj toh maa ne bhi bol diya, “Kitni Odomos peeti ho!” If mosquitoes stop drinking my blood, I promise to stop drinking Odomos. Yes, this sentence has been directly translated from a Hindi thought.
And this state of paranoia was before I was afflicted with dengue. To be honest, it was surprising that it happened just last year considering the high rate at which I have been bitten by mosquitoes for the past two decades. Nonetheless, it happened and it was painful. ‘It’ being Kiwis. Terrible fruit. Why does my fruit have a crunchy element in it? Yuck. First, I was inseparable from an Odomos tube because I was scared of mosquitoes, now because I am scared of Kiwis. I have to allocate a separate amount for mosquito prevention every month from my allowance in the hostel. So instead of having a Mocha, I have to settle for a Latte or a Cappuccino every day. The money I save goes directly into my Mosquito Prevention Relief Fund. Open for charitable donations. Believe it or not, this is not a paid promotion by Odomos.