A couple of days back I happen to have an encounter with a beautiful specimen of a human being. A person, a girl to be specific who single-handedly undid all of Darwin’s much coveted Evolution Theory by failing at a task so simple, it set back the entire human race back by at least a couple million years. So what should we call her? How about Curie, because why not? (This is in no way a reference to Madam Curie, please)
So, Curie was painting. Curie saw a small white bottle. Curie picked it up, read the label, which is shown here:
And then proceeded to use it as white paint. I repeat, white paint.
Okay so in her defense, white paint and adhesive have a lot of similarities, like they are WHITE and are sold in bottles, usually. And that’s about it. That’s where all similarities cease to exist.
Curie was unfazed by its consistency, its texture, its complete failure to work as white paint. She used it as paint. Though I did hear her criticise the fact that it was indeed bad quality paint, comparing it to curdled milk. Did that stop her? No. She went right ahead, mixed it with water and used it as paint. Curie also refused to accept the fact that the ‘white paint’ was not visible once it dried up.
Curie is such a simple minded fellow. This world lacks people like Curie, because honestly, this incident made my day. I was smirking all day long. Be like Curie. Mess up your lives.
Everyone fell in love with Wall E at first sight in 2008. Who wouldn’t? A compact square shaped robot with a curious personality. Big googly eyes, his mechanical way of speaking and his quirks left an indelible impression on us. But another lesson to take home from the movie was on environmentalism.
Even though no political statements were made in the film it was still hailed as a parable for environmentalists everywhere. Without the use of any familiar slogans, Wall E shows us that the vision of the future is a cautionary dystopia wrapped up in a children’s tale.
The movie starts with an Earth, with silhouttes of garbage piles in the appearance of well known skyscrapers. Wall E being the only one responsible to clean the mess up. The humans are on board a space ship named Axiom, waiting the environmental catastrophe out.
This space age version of Noah’s Ark is what we have in store for us. With power giants like America pulling out of the Paris agreement, a future similar to this is very likely. In the film, a glimpse of rising sea levels indicate that the humans were unsuccessful in adopting corrective measures when the time came, because the time for preventive measures is long gone.
The plot develops and Eva, a pristine white robot enters the scene, with the directive of searching for signs of life in the dumpyard. Wall E falls in love with the she-robot and they embark on an adventure to Axiom, the spaceship.
It is at this moment that the movie highlights another major contributor to the annihilation of our planet: unchecked consumerism. We find obese humans floating on hover boards, with their eyes glued to tiny screens, slurping their lunch from cups, who are unable to get back up without assistance if they fall. The stark disinterest of the humans in anything save themselves is shocking to perceive. Further, every single consumable item on the ship is manufactured by a company, ironically named Buy N Large.
Cutting some slack to the movie for missing out basic details is necessary because of its child friendly content. We only get to know about humans after the apocalypse. No animals are shown. In addition to this, did the entire human population shirk down to a size which could board the Axiom due to ecological disasters? Or were some people allowed on board, and the others left to die?
The film does end on an optimistic note, wherein they find evidence of biological survival and are successful in defeating the evil robot, Axiom. The end soundtrack of the film morphs from mechanical and electronic beats to more of orchestral music, signifying that the humans were eventually able to de-attach themselves from technology long enough to get back to the roots of nature.
Subtle referencens like these make this film a masterpiece in the environmental genre. With scanty dialogues, Wall E was able to leave an impression on the audience. Mankind got a second chance in the movie. But will we? We need to understand that planets are not consumable products. There is only one planet. We cannot go through them the same way we do with a pen. The humans on board Axiom do come back to their home planet in the end.
So I (not so) recently went on my first solo train journey from Lucknow to Delhi in a chair car train with serious confidence in my abilities to handle this mediocre task. But one thing that I hadn’t taken into consideration was Murphy’s law which states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong”. Now please don’t be alarmed that the train got derailed or one of the coaches caught on fire.
Let me assure you that something much much worse took place. This guy, whose name I don’t want to reveal (and I don’t even know), enters the coach along with his parents I presume. Let’s call the guy Voldy, cuz why not?
This family of three managed to block the entire aisle by refusing to just take a seat. Those stuck around them waited patiently for them to settle down, but when the water rose above their heads, a gentleman lost his cool and ushered them into their seats. Now, this may seem pretty usual for train commuters, but by this point I had realised that this journey will not take me to my happy place.
Then Mr. Voldy, a pretty grown up fellow with a pea sized brain occupied the seat next to me. (Necessary information update: It was a roughly 7 hour journey and Voldy had nothing to do) So while I sat reading my novel, trying desperately to just ignore him, he sat and stared, at every goddamn thing. And when I say everything, I mean it.
Now let’s get to the interesting (annoying) part. Voldy’s parents seated opposite to me decided to have a snack. Now that’s not something amusing in everyday life. Instead this family initiated a full blown menance of ANTS. Apparently their biscuit packet had ants. Like loads of ants and they just unflinchingly unleashed them on board. Great. Now I just have to spend the rest of the 6 hour journey fidgeting, trying to avoid ant stings. Jump cut to after evening tea served to us, Voldy had trouble keeping his private biological process, private. Actually, he made no attempt to hide it. I think he felt like a glorious warrior, content that everyone noticed it. In case you were wondering what that activity was, let me set up the scene for you. He assumed an attack position, with grit and determination visible on his face and then with all the might of every single cell in his body, he FARTED, audibly. In that moment the following thoughts ran through my brain- 1) Control your laughter. You’re an adult now. 2) However bad it may smell, put up a brave front. 3) And for the love of God, don’t smack him across his face.
For those who say, “It’s only natural. Anyone can endure it once in a while.” To which my reply is, it did not stop. Voldy kept munching down on all sorts of food and farting, with absolutely no inhibitions at all. There was no end to it. I was inside a ‘cyanide’ gas chamber unable to take a full breath without the danger of passing out. But, Voldy was so happy to see all his digestive organs were functioning correctly. A little too correctly, in my opinion.
Come end of natural daylight, I abandoned my book and switched over to my mobile phone to seek entertainment. So did Voldy. To my mobile phone. Yes, you read that correctly. Every time I caught him a peak at my mobile screen screen, he would ask me what time it was.
As the destination approaching soup was being served, and I had started to calm my nerves by assuring myself that this ordeal would be over soon. Coincidentally, the man serving the soup brought a broken cup and while he was passing it down, a gorgeous soup-fall (if I may call it that) was activated. And in my heart of hearts, I wished that this might be karma. The pretty hot soup-fall, would spill on Voldy and i would have my revenge. BUT that never happened. The soup fell all over me.
Several rolls of tissues and newspaper like damage control, I found Voldy grinning at me. By this time, I was literally wishing him out of existence. But my powers refused to be activated. Destination arrived. The Voldy family got off after creating a ruckus and I was so drained of energy, that I contemplated just curling up in a ball and thinking why did mankind bother evolving at all.
Voldy, if you’re reading this, (There is absolutely no way. I wouldn’t have written it if that was the case.) have a great life ahead man. No grudges were nursed. Just next time, DON’T CROSS PATHS WITH ME!
