Tag: tea

Why absolutely no one WINs during WINters

Quarantined

Reasons why I hate winters. I urge winters to revert back with an email explaining this behaviour.

  1. Every time I try taking of my pants/denims, my socks (which I don’t want to take off) also come off. Inverted. So, then I have to make the extra effort of turning the sock back in the right state and re-socking my feet. Till then, my wee little toes have to face the cold.
  2. Every time I burrow in my blanket with the laptop on top and my stubby fingers have the coldest knuckles which makes typing very hard. After a point, the only range of movement left in my cold knuckles is about 14°, which isn’t much. To be fair, I have to admit, the range of motion wasn’t great to begin with. If I owe someone any typed content and you haven’t received it yet, now you know the reason.
  3. Winters mess up my hair washing schedule. Enough said.
  4. The absolute frustration of putting on layers of clothes every time followed by one sleeve getting stuck midway. I hate it. It takes exponentially longer to get ready in winters.
  5. Making chai takes 50X longer in the winters and people consume chai 50X more often during winters. The milk just ignores the quivering stove flame underneath it. Freaking stubborn cold-hearted milk. (Does this qualify as a pun?)
  6. The tiniest little injury/bruise seems massive in the winters. Last week I had a miniscule splinter in my thumb and I can still feel the pain. I would have easily ignored it during the summers.
  7. The dhoop sekne wala timeframe does not match my class schedule. Main kab seku dhoop? And on days I don’t have my classes, there is no dhoop. Nainsaafi ki heights.
  8. All the extra seasonal vegetables that my mother gets a chance to kneed into the aata itself. So, my plate can look like a Pollock (look at me being all fancy, making art references) featuring aloo bathue ki sabzi, bathue ka raita and bathue wali roti. Just kidding, this isn’t true. It will be if you replace the aloo bathue ki sabzi with aloo methi 🙂
  9. I don’t like it when my sister uses me as a personal heater when she is cold and then throws me out of the blanket once she is warm enough.
  10. Nahi hai koi 10th point. Akad gayi unglian itna type karte karte iss jaade mein.

What even is this blog? A recycled meme storehouse? A storage container for weak puns? Baasi content? Ho kya raha hai idhar?!

Main roti kyu rehti hu?

Creations of a weird girl, Quarantined

I can make a decent cup of tea. And that’s the only think I can make in a kitchen. I am not exaggerating. I have tried and failed gloriously time and again. I like to think some people are not meant for kitchen chores. And by chores I don’t just mean cooking. It includes a multitude of side activities that go into preparing a dish. If I had my way, I’d make cooking an adventure sport and get it included in the list of 57 official Olympic Games. I am not kidding. Let me put this into perspective to you.

Have you ever tried to make a simple round roti? The amount of multitasking involved in this minor task is mind boggling. Having all the tools and ingredients ready is a mammoth task in itself. Keeping track of whether I have flipped the previous chhapati and getting the next one ready in time is a pain in the ass. And don’t even get me started on the burns I endure during the process. The result is a pappad-like-roti, jisko dekh kar main roti rehti hu. Leave alone a round roti, I am incapable of making even an edible roti.

Why an adventure sport you ask? Have you seen anything being deep fried? All that extremely hot oil ready to just bounce out of the vessel and fall on your uncovered arm. Or worse, your pretty face. Maybe you’ve seen tadka being made (tempering for those unfamiliar with tadka)? That big red chillies going off like a fire cracker in hot bubbling oil in a space vessel. It pops off sometimes, you know. The seeds of the chilli may just land up in your eyeball. I know that’s horrifying but you know it’s true. There is a possibility of it happening and you cannot deny that.

Another case in point, I got burnt by a cheese slice once. Yes, a cheese slice. You might be wondering how that is even possible. But, yours truly managed even this impossible seeming feat. Once I even managed to touch a freaking hot pan and burn myself when I wasn’t even working with it. I was making sandwiches. Till this date I haven’t figured out how I managed this one. Finally to sum up, I once burnt not one, but two entire pappads. Like the entire thing. They were gone. Completely. I annihilated their existence.

So yes, cooking should be the 58th Olympic sporting event. You might disagree, but my burnt roti strongly concurs with that notion.